


Rock Bottom

by seasparks



Category: Celeste (Video Game)
Genre: Gen, Multiplicity/Plurality
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-24
Updated: 2019-08-24
Packaged: 2020-09-25 18:09:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,514
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20375905
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seasparks/pseuds/seasparks
Summary: "Badeline" did it. She won. She got away from that ridiculous mountain, left Madeline behind, and started living their life the way she always wanted. The right way.So why does it feel so empty?





	Rock Bottom

**Author's Note:**

> What if, after a death near the end of the game, you just closed the game and never revisited it? What would happen in the story then? And more importantly, what would Badeline do with her victory?

_ “Let’s climb out of here together.” _

I keep thinking about her last words to me, down at the base of Celeste Mountain. No matter how much I try, I just can’t understand them. Did she seriously think she could climb that thing? We used to have trouble climbing the high dive at the pool! Sure, she’d been going climbing at a local rock wall on and off for the last year or so, but if we’re being honest with ourselves—and she rarely was—it was mostly “off”, and climbing a real mountain isn’t exactly the same as climbing in a gym.

Dumbass.

It’s been three months since she went to the mountain and I came back in her place. It’s still surreal, living a life I could only ever passively observe, getting to make the decisions I could only ever shout into a void. Overall I think I’m doing a pretty good job—better than _ her _, at least—but there are definitely some downsides to being the one in control. Right now, for example, there’s some guy behind me shouting, presumably to get someone’s attention. Or maybe just to give me a headache, which he seems to be doing a much better job of. I swear if he shouts one more time I’m gonna—

“Hey, Madeline! Is that you? If it’s not, I’m really sorry to bother you, and I hope you will accept one of these tim-bites as my humble apology.”

Wait. That’s my name. Ugh. You’d think after three months I’d be used to responding to it, but keeping up this Madeline act is hard, and anyway it’s not like _ I _ got a say in our name. Or anything else, for that matter.

I turn around, and—is that the guy we met back on the mountain? Shouldn’t he be back in the US writing thinkpieces about haunted Canadian mountains or something? Though, I guess he did seem nice enough back then, so it probably can’t hurt to see what he wants. It’s not like I’ve got plans today.

“Oh, uh, hey. Sorry I didn’t hear you sooner, I was, um. Meditating.”

Listen. I’m working on it. And anyway, who the hell else could string together even an awkward sentence at 3 months old? I’m a goddamn genius, if you think about it.

He smiles and does a fistpump in the air. “Yes! I knew it was you! And thank goodness, because these tim-bites are incredible! Why didn’t you tell me about them back on the mountain?”

Ugh, Americans. “They’re called Timbits.”

He mumbles something through a mouthful of donut, then says, “Anyway, good to see you’re okay! I’m back up here for a week or so to take my sister to the mountain, and I was really hoping I’d run into you in town. That weird old mountain-lady and I were really worried about you after you took that fall. Here, look!”

Before I can object, he pulls out his phone and loads up his InstaPix account, user @theounderstars. Right, Theo. Good thing I remembered his name before it had a chance to come up. He taps a few times and pulls up a page with what must be half a dozen selfies of him and that woman at various levels of concern.

“Wow, that’s awfully, um...nice of you?”

Theo grins. “Aww, so you _ do _care!”

Wait what. “No! That is, um, I just felt like she—er, _ I _made a mistake going to the mountain, and I just wanted to get out of there.” What the hell is he still grinning for? “I guess it was kind of inconsiderate of me to leave you two worrying like that.”

“Hey, no, I understand, that place was like, _ uber creepy _. Don’t worry about it.”

“Was it really that creepy, though? Mostly it just felt...cold, and tall.” That place let me be something more than just a _ Part of Her _; the least I can do is stand up for it.

His face turns serious. “Yes, Madeline. The mysterious ruined cities, malevolent doppelgängers, a temple with mirrors that transport you into an evil alternate dimension, and strawberries growing in climates where no strawberry has grown before—they’re the hallmarks of a place that is perfectly normal and pleasant.”

We stare at each other for a moment, then burst out laughing. Calling what’s essentially my birthplace “creepy” is one thing, but I’ll happily identify as a malevolent doppelgänger. Eat your heart out, middle school goth phase Madeline!

“Hey,” he continues, “do you want to grab lunch somewhere and catch up? The mountain-lady might seem mean, but I’m sure she’ll be relieved to hear what you’ve been up to. Plus I gotta make sure you’re cool enough to meet Alex.”

Oh god he just winked at me when he mentioned his sister. Did he figure out that the old Madeline was queer? Does he know that _ I’m _ queer?! _ Am I _queer?!?! Shit shit shit shit shit this hasn’t come up at all yet, I haven’t even thought about it, what the hell am I supposed to say.

“Hey, relax, I know I talked her up, but trust me, Alex is totally chill.” Oh no am I blushing? I’m blushing, aren’t I. I take back everything, having a body sucks.

“N-no, that’s not it!” _ That’s totally it. _ “That sounds great!” _ It sounds fine, I guess. _ “Let’s go anywhere but Tim Horton’s. That place sucks.” _ It really does. _

* * *

After some discussion, we eventually decided on a local diner (“You have diners in Canada?!” uh, yeah. It’s Canada, not Pluto) that I remember the old Madeline enjoying. I don’t remember it being anything to write home about, but after small talk, sandwiches, and now milkshakes with Theo, I can see a sort of laid-back charm to the place.

“Are you doing okay, Madeline?” He looks up from his milkshake at me with the most serious face I’ve seen on him all day. “I wasn’t originally planning on introducing you to Alex, but you looked so...lost, back there. I don’t know how you look more lost at home than you did on that mountain, but if you need someone to talk to, well, I’m here all week. And if you don’t want to talk to a guy about whatever’s going on, I promise you’ll get along great with my sister. She can make anyone feel comfortable around her, and she’s even better at listening.”

What the hell? Who does he think he is, the pope of feelings? I must be scowling or something, because he starts to backpedal. “Or not! You must have friends around here you can talk to, but I figured I’d offer in case talking to someone from further away would be—”

“**No.**” I stand up. “I’m **fine. **I **don’t** need your help, I **don’t** want to meet your sister, and I **don’t** need to talk to anyone. Climbing that mountain was a **bad** idea, it wasn’t even **my** idea, and I’m **glad** that fall knocked enough sense back into me to drive the hell away. Mind your own damn business, and **Leave. Me. Alone.**” Before he can respond, I storm out of the diner and head home.

How is that _ any _ of his business?! Who does he think he is, coming in here, telling me how to live _ my _ life? I had enough of that from _ her _ already, thank you very much! He doesn’t really even know us—or her, or me, or whoever!

As soon as I get home, I head to my room, flop down on my bed, blow my nose, and wipe the tears from my eyes. How dare he try to tell me how I feel! I’m doing fine! I’m...crying? Wait, why am I crying? Theo was way out of line, but he wasn’t _ that _ out of line. And besides! I didn’t need any of the old Madeline’s other friends, and I don’t need his friendship either!

Whatever. I’ll figure it out later. Maybe I just need a nap.

* * *

After several naps, nights of sleep, and seasons of crappy Netflix that were deemed sufficiently bad to allow Canadian access to them, I still feel awful. I don’t think it has anything to do with Theo, but what else could it be? I guess it could be—

No. I’m not going to think about the mountain. I was right, she was wrong, she’s there, I’m here. That’s all there is to it. Case closed. End of story. _ Finis. _Dead-end.

...so why do I have to try so hard _ not _to think about it? It’s always just at the edge of my mind, waiting to take my full attention if I let it, and there’s only so many times I can rewatch the first season of Camp Pining Hearts before I accidentally let myself think something like “why am I still so angry at her?” or “why do I miss her when she was just holding us back?”

Oh. That wasn’t what I meant to think at all.

Well, just thinking the questions doesn’t mean I have any more answers than I did before. I’m not sure I can process this alone; I need someone to talk it over with. Someone kind & nonjudgmental, who won’t look at me funny when I talk about all the weird stuff that happened on the mountain. Someone who can listen, then try to cheer me up if I need it. Someone I can consider a friend. Someone who’s leaving town in just a couple of days and might not ever be back again if I don’t get in touch with him _ right now _ okay okay slow down, what was his InstaPix handle again, I got this.

I run over to our computer and boot it up. The screen looks blurry for some reason...oh. I have to make a conscious effort to stop nervously tapping our hand against the desk and rattling the monitor: a bad habit I must have picked up from the other Madeline. Finally, I get to open a browser and make a new InstaPix account with the first username I can think of. Time to hope this apology isn’t too late.

* * *
    
    
    New private message with Theo, Lost but Seeking (@theounderstars)
    
    @radeline: hey
    
    @theounderstars: Do I know you?
    
    @radeline: oh, yeah, sorry.
    @radeline: this is madeline.
    @radeline: i made an instapix account to try and get in touch with you. i hope you don’t mind. i don’t have your number or anything.
    
    @theounderstars: OH :D
    @theounderstars: MADELINE!!!
    @theounderstars: I’m sorry about the other day. It was none of my business. I hope we can still be friends?
    
    @radeline: oh um
    @radeline: yeah definitely
    @radeline: and you’re good. you didn’t do anything wrong, i mean. it was actually really nice of you.
    @radeline: i probably shouldn’t have made such a scene. sorry
    
    @theounderstars: Naah, don’t worry about it. Happens to the best of us.
    @theounderstars: And me ;)
    
    @radeline: wait did you just burn yourself
    
    @theounderstars ANYWAY how may I be of service this fine evening?
    
    @radeline: ...
    @radeline: i uh. i am kind of going through a rough patch right now.
    @radeline: or like. i’m kind of constantly going through a rough patch and i thought i got through it after stuff at the mountain but it turns out i was on the border between two differently-rough patches instead
    @radeline: or whatever
    @radeline: but yeah i guess i do need someone to talk to
    @radeline: and you’re a kind person
    @radeline: and more importantly you won’t laugh at me if i get into some of the weird stuff that happened up there
    @radeline: even though you’re also nosy
    @radeline: and you call things timtams when we aren’t even in australia
    
    @theounderstars: Hey now!
    @theounderstars: I’ve got nothing but respect for your country’s delicious Timbos!
    
    @radeline: ...you’re an asshole
    @radeline: :-)
    
    @theounderstars: But yeah, it’s just like I said before. If you need to talk, I’m here to listen.
    @theounderstars: And hopefully this isn’t too presumptuous of me, but...do you need to go back there?
    @theounderstars: I know it’s kind of a harsh place, but it’s also a place of healing, and it sounds like you might have some unfinished business there.
    
    @radeline: ugh
    @radeline: going there once already feels like more than enough
    @radeline: but...i think you might be right
    @radeline: um, if you don’t mind coming with me? that might be useful?
    @radeline: if i go alone i’m afraid i’ll just get halfway there and turn back around
    @radeline: and i’d love to meet your sister sometime but right now i just
    @radeline: can’t really handle meeting a stranger
    @radeline: let alone one who’s a ~literal~ rock star
    @radeline: sorry
    
    @theounderstars: Hey, it’s fine!
    @theounderstars: I’ve been looking for something to do tomorrow anyway. And after all, what are friends for?
    
    @radeline: probably something other than ill-advised last-minute road trips to haunted mountains
    @radeline: but thank you
    @radeline: does 6 tomorrow morning work for you?
    @radeline: i don’t know how long i’ll need so earlier seems better
    
    @theounderstars: Hmm...
    @theounderstars: I can do it on one condition.
    @theounderstars: You have to pay for both of our coffee in the morning.
    
    @radeline: seems fair :-)
    
    @theounderstars: Madeline.
    @theounderstars: I don’t think you understand.
    @theounderstars: I’m from Seattle. Coffee is basically a religion there.
    @theounderstars: I only drink coffee made from the finest beans, precision-roasted to exacting specifications. It must be filled almost to the brim of a 16oz compostable paper cup, leaving exactly enough room for two teaspoons of macadamia nut milk. And then, it must be shaken without spilling a drop, or the process must begin anew.
    @theounderstars: Kings have emptied their treasuries for a single sip of the coffee I drink, Madeline.
    
    @radeline: i don’t know if we have that
    @radeline: we have a homestucks. they’re a seattle-based chain, aren’t they?
    
    @theounderstars: Yeah, that’ll do.
    
    @radeline: rad
    @radeline: see you in the morning
    
    @theounderstars: Heck yeah!
    @theounderstars: YOLOOOOO!!

* * *

It’s been a long, quiet trip back to the mountain this morning, though at first we did talk for a bit about random stuff: life growing up, favorite bands, least favorite bands, the best strawberry-based desserts, that sort of thing. Basically anything but the mountain. Theo might be a goofball, but I guess he can be tactful when the situation calls for it. It’s not like I don’t want to talk about it, I just...can’t. Or don’t know how. Or won’t. Or something. So after a while, we just lapsed into a comfortable silence until we reached our destination.

“Hey,” he says, once we arrive. “Are you ready to be back here?”

_ No. _ “Yeah.” _ Let’s go back. _ “Let’s go.”

“It’s gonna be fine. I’ve got your back, and I’m caffeinated & ready for anything!”

Ugh, this actually seems to give me the motivation I need to get out of the car. I guess friendship has _ some _perks after all. Maybe when we get back I should try to patch up some of the other Madeline’s old friendships after all. That is, if I’m still...

No. We can worry about that, and what I will & won’t get to do after this, tomorrow.

Theo’s poking at his phone to try and get the GPS to work, so I set off up a trail I sort of remember the other Madeline taking before. Remembering things like this feels illicit somehow, like the memory is playing on a big screen in her living room and I’m hidden just outside, watching through the window. I try not to poke through her memories if I can avoid it, but it’s either that or freeze to death waiting for Theo’s phone to get a signal.

After just a few minutes on the trail, I’m suddenly reminded what the power of the mountain feels like. How did I forget about this? This is incredible! If I were here alone I’d fly up into the air and shout with joy, or at least fix my appearance, but with Theo around, I manage to restrain myself.

Before long, I can see smoke rising from the chimney of another illicitly-remembered sight: the old woman’s house.

“Hey, that’s the mountain-lady’s house! Madeline, you’re worth your weight in GPS navigation apps. I was going to give her an update on you when I came up here with Alex, but now you can do it yourself! She must be worried sick about you.”

I grimace. “Uh, if you insist, I guess that’s fine. I’m pretty sure she hates us, though. Er, hates me. Just me. Not you. I guess if you want to see her again she must have been _ nice _ to you.”

He tilts his head at me, then shrugs. “She waited with me for hours after you fell down the mountain, Madeline. She may have a prickly exterior, but I could tell she was worried. She even stopped making fun of you after the first couple of hours!” He turns away and starts walking toward the house in the distance. “C’mon, let’s give her the good news!”

I guess there’s no avoiding it, so I turn to follow. Hopefully she also thinks I’m the other Madeline.

* * *

She knows I’m not the other Madeline.

As soon as we got close to the house, the woman came outside and waved to us. “Theo! Back so soon? Are you here to take a selfie at the summit this time? Ha! And who’s your fr—_ oh. _ ” She looked at me and narrowed her eyes. “It’s _ you _.”

Oh no. I give her what I hope is my most innocent smile and wave sheepishly.

Meanwhile, Theo doesn’t seem to notice anything wrong. “Yeah! I ran into Madeline in town and told her you were worried sick about her, so she asked if I could bring her here today for her to deliver the good news herself!”

That’s...a creative interpretation of the truth. Maybe he noticed something wrong after all.

“Well, what’s done is done. Come on in; I imagine you will have some questions to be answered, Theo.”

We follow her into a surprisingly cozy one-room home. There’s a kitchen complete with a table much larger than you’d expect from a hermit living at the base of a mountain. She has a fireplace with some chairs arranged around it, and at the back, there are two beds for some reason, though one of them seems...oh. Oh no. Oh no no no.

It’s Madeline. The other Madeline. The useless, selfish, spineless Madeline I’ve spent my whole life resenting. The Madeline I left for dead at the base of the mountain three months ago.

Before I can move, the old woman closes and bolts the door behind me. “Welcome back, Theo, it’s good to see you! And welcome home, _ murderer._”

Ah. Well. My only friend has just found out I’m an impostor, and I’m trapped in a tiny house with a woman who hates me and may or may not be a witch. That could be going better. But on the bright side...I concentrate for a moment on the power I noticed coming from the mountain earlier, and slowly I begin to rise up from the floor. Out of the corner of my eye I can see a mirror, and sure enough, my hair has turned almost completely purple, my eyes are back to being that delightfully-spooky red, and my clothes are more Hot Topic than Forever 21.

I can’t help but let out a cackle of joy. I may be in trouble, but for the first time in months, I can be _ myself _ again. No more hiding, no more lying, no more pretending. It’s just me.

“Y-you!” Theo is looking at me with a look of abject terror. “Creepy goth Madeline! You’re that malevolent doppelgänger from the mountain! What were you planning to do to me? _ What did you do to my friend?!” _

Shit. “Theo, no, I can explain—”

“This is part of what the mountain does, Theo.” The old woman’s voice is quiet, but I can hear the rage in it. “If someone who visits is struggling with an internal conflict, it brings that conflict into the open. Sometimes the conflict is metaphorical; other times,” and she gestures to me in the air and to Madeline in bed, “it’s more literal.

“You’ve seen the monument, so you know that not everyone who comes here is lucky enough to leave. The strange thing about this is that they usually succeed or fail together: I’ve never seen the part of someone that was drawn out leave without the part that came here.

“She killed your friend, Theo, or close to it, and took over her life. If you hadn’t run into each other in town, I imagine she would have gone on living it without a care in the world.”

I sink down and collapse on the floor. She’s right. We had a chance to fix things, and instead, I...

I...

I just...

I can’t even bring myself to think it. It’s not new to me, but when she puts it this way...what the hell is _ wrong _ with me?

“No,” Theo whispers, almost inaudibly. “No. You’ve got the details wrong. When I saw her in town I was relieved to see that she was okay, but after we talked for a while, I got the feeling that she’d been completely burnt out by the last few months. She didn’t want to come back here at first, but she did anyway. I didn’t understand what she was doing at the time, but it’s starting to make sense to me now.”

“Heh...you might be giving me more credit than I deserve on that one. I don’t know what’s wrong, but I know I have to be here to fix it. I think. Maybe I have to...just stay behind, in her place. It’s what she said she wanted, after all. To get rid of me.”

There’s a long silence before the woman speaks again. “I told you, that’s not how it works. People like you, they stay together, or they leave together. Anywhere else, parts of you can come and go, but not here.”

She walks over to Madeline’s bed. “Even if it feels like one of you can get rid of the other, it won’t stick. Come here. She’s been like this since you left. If you really want to make things right, you can’t do it by yourself.”

Somehow I manage to get up and float over next to the bed, avoiding eye contact with the others along the way. I stay there for a while, looking down at what looks like my own unconscious body. Turns out having an in-body out-of-body experience is about as uncomfortable as it sounds.

“Well? Don’t just float there, say something! Not talking to each other is what got you two into this mess in the first place, and it’s sure not going to fix it!”

Right. I take her hand in mine and say the first things that come to mind.

_ Hey. Madeline. Listen. _

_ I don’t like you. _

_ You’ve really made a mess of our life, and you never listened to me. I tried to warn you over and over again, and you ignored me every single time. You wouldn’t even listen when I had an actual body and voice up in that hotel. Maybe I wasn’t right all the time, but look where you were before coming here. Surely you can recognize that it was nowhere good. _

_ I know I probably...no. I know I _ ** _did_ ** _ go too far up here, and I’m sorry. Just...who would take care of you if you left me behind on the mountain? Who would take care of _ ** _us_ ** _ ? Who would have made sure we didn’t just keep running our life into the ground? _

_ Obviously you weren’t going on your own. So I thought hey, surely I can do a better job. And I tried it, and...I can’t do it alone either, Madeline. Maybe you’re bad at taking care of our individual needs, but I obviously can’t take care of our social needs. I didn’t even know we _ ** _had_ ** _ social needs until the last few days. I can’t do this without you. _

_ And more importantly: I treated you horribly, and none of this is a good excuse for it. Yeah, it’s my life too...but it’s your life too, too. You deserve a say in it too, and I’m so sorry for taking that away from you. _

_ I want to get to know you better, if you can forgive me. I want to get to know _ ** _us_ ** _ better. I know it’s a lot to ask, given how I’ve behaved, but I think we can build a better life for ourselves if we learn how to cooperate. _

_ Please. _

I open my eyes and look around again. Theo’s sitting at the kitchen table and staring at us with tears rolling down his face. Even the old woman’s eyes are watery; looks like Theo was right about her being nicer than she acts. I’m suddenly grateful for my naturally-red eyes.

“Hey, what are you two crying about? You...you didn’t overhear any of that, did you?”

They look at each other, then back at me without saying a word.

“Hey! That was supposed to be private!! And anyway it didn’t work, Madeline’s still—” I look down and freeze. I’m still hovering by the bed, but there’s no one in it.

“She just kind of disappeared while you were talking,” Theo says. “I thought I might have seen some sparkly bits float out of the bed and into you, but it could have just been, you know, the crying.”

“What just happened to us? I know I was a _ Part of Her _ originally. Does this make her a _ Part of Me _ now?”

“I can’t say for sure,” the woman begins. “Maybe now you’re two halves of the same whole. The mountain affects everyone differently, you two moreso than most.”

She walks over to the door and unbolts it. “If you came here because you felt like you had unfinished business, I recommend you try and finish it this time. And you two had better come back together before you leave and say goodbye! Ha! Don’t put these old bones through the same worry twice!”

I’m not sure if I can speak again without breaking down into tears right now, so instead, we leave Theo and the odd old woman and go back out into the cold one more time.

So. It’s just us, now. I assume you’re in here somewhere, even if you’re not feeling up to talking or anything yet. But I need to climb this mountain, for both of our sakes. It’s quite a mess we’ve gotten ourselves into, eh? You by coming here, and me by leaving. I still don’t know how you convinced yourself that you could make it to the summit of this thing all on your own. But you’re not alone anymore, are you? You’ve got me, and I _ won’t _ let you down again.

Let’s climb out of here together.


End file.
